Grow up already
Some days I feel like I am still sixteen years old. Other days I look around at my office or snap to reality when I drive into Greg and I's driveway and realize that I am no longer sixteen. And that fact became so apparent to me on Monday when Greg and I met with our financial advisor. Talk about whip lash into the present moment. We talked about our 401(k), Money Market Account, IRA's and "Future children". It was a comfort to know that we were moving in the right direction and that financially we would be in good shape, but we had to talk about some things that were really hard for me.
Our advisor asked me, "Natalie, if Greg were gone tomorrow what would you need in order to take care of yourself?" I almost could not speak. I had not expected the strong reaction that I was feeling. I looked down at the desk for a moment because I was afraid that I was going to cry. Greg, gone? Not something that I can easily think of and not something I have been making plans for. My idea since we married has been that we would grow old together, and if he passed before me, I would not be far behind. My poor heart I am afraid would give out without him here with me. Once I felt that I could say it, I told our advisor that I would want out of the house. That is our house and I can not imagine being there without him. The house never feels like home when Greg is out of town, so if I had to live there without him for good, I could not do it. Man, I never imagined that I would become so attached to someone. I have always felt like I could take care of myself and that no matter what I would be okay. Greg could run off and join the circus, I would call him crazy, but I would be okay. If he were to die my heart would break before my very eyes.
This whole financial planning has put me in a complete review of my life right now. I am thinking of all of my selfish career goals, my desires to write and how we will send out children to college, after we begin paying off the loan we will take out to send them to a prep school when they are little. I so desperately want to be sixteen again. The only thing I want to worry about is studying for a history test and what I am going to do over the weekend. I do not want to have financial accounts all over the place, people depending on me to tell them the best solution for their GIS needs or getting the house clean. I felt a little overwhelmed the other day and I finally just told myself, to grow up already. Here you are, you have a great life and you are happy. At least I have a 401(k) to be concerned about. I am getting somewhere in this life and I am taking the love of my life with me.... Along with all of his money,too.
Some days I feel like I am still sixteen years old. Other days I look around at my office or snap to reality when I drive into Greg and I's driveway and realize that I am no longer sixteen. And that fact became so apparent to me on Monday when Greg and I met with our financial advisor. Talk about whip lash into the present moment. We talked about our 401(k), Money Market Account, IRA's and "Future children". It was a comfort to know that we were moving in the right direction and that financially we would be in good shape, but we had to talk about some things that were really hard for me.
Our advisor asked me, "Natalie, if Greg were gone tomorrow what would you need in order to take care of yourself?" I almost could not speak. I had not expected the strong reaction that I was feeling. I looked down at the desk for a moment because I was afraid that I was going to cry. Greg, gone? Not something that I can easily think of and not something I have been making plans for. My idea since we married has been that we would grow old together, and if he passed before me, I would not be far behind. My poor heart I am afraid would give out without him here with me. Once I felt that I could say it, I told our advisor that I would want out of the house. That is our house and I can not imagine being there without him. The house never feels like home when Greg is out of town, so if I had to live there without him for good, I could not do it. Man, I never imagined that I would become so attached to someone. I have always felt like I could take care of myself and that no matter what I would be okay. Greg could run off and join the circus, I would call him crazy, but I would be okay. If he were to die my heart would break before my very eyes.
This whole financial planning has put me in a complete review of my life right now. I am thinking of all of my selfish career goals, my desires to write and how we will send out children to college, after we begin paying off the loan we will take out to send them to a prep school when they are little. I so desperately want to be sixteen again. The only thing I want to worry about is studying for a history test and what I am going to do over the weekend. I do not want to have financial accounts all over the place, people depending on me to tell them the best solution for their GIS needs or getting the house clean. I felt a little overwhelmed the other day and I finally just told myself, to grow up already. Here you are, you have a great life and you are happy. At least I have a 401(k) to be concerned about. I am getting somewhere in this life and I am taking the love of my life with me.... Along with all of his money,too.
posted by Natrc at
4:52 PM
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