The thing about boundaries
Almost daily is seems that I am learning more about handling my boundaries and trying to respect others. This weekend I learned more then I do in a typical day.
Friday evening I went out with some of my girlfriends and we had a wonderful time. The one thing I find very comforting about going out with a group of girls is that in a group like ours, girls are pretty intimidating and it is not often that you are approached by any guys. Especially where we were. There were three straight guys at the bar we went to Friday night. One was with his wife, one was out without his wife and the third I am not sure what his deal was. Well, the guy who was out, without his wife latched on to our group before we could realize it. We were sure he had the hots for one of our girlfriends because he made sure to keep her company while we were on stage singing or off getting drinks. She was a good sport about, but she got a little creeped out because he kept standing real close to her and just looking at her even when they were not talking. Weird.... very weird.
But yesterday really got me. Greg is interested in getting a truck so we went to a dealership to look at them. We left all checkbooks and important documentation at home because all we wanted to do was look, just look.
We drove my car since it is not the one we want to replace. When we pulled into the parking lot we were first happy to see that we were not being pounced on. Well, that was because they get you when you walk in the door. As soon as you walk in, you are greeted and assigned a "tour guide" as I called him. Our "tour guide" seemed nice enough, but right off he wanted information. This immediately made me think we were already being looked at as a quota for the month. I was not impressed, but I was thinking that could be good leverage later. So, our tour guide showed some trucks to us and from the very beginning we said, "We are not buying today. JUST looking." That translated to the tour guide as "Blah, blah, blah, blah....." So, we looked at more trucks and even took the one Greg wants for a test drive. We were obviously going into this together, but we have learned from some of our friends that car salesmen will play the two of against each other. So, I was playing that dutiful wife, there to see the car first hand and not to negotiate with him or influence his decision. The tour guide suggested that I drive the truck as well and I asked Greg if he would like for me to. Which of course he said yes. I immediately knew what this meant. See, ladies like shiny, new things and if I drove the truck and was just dazzled, then it was sold. So, I drove it, said it was nice and went right back to the lot. No giggles, no squealing. Truck not sold. We parked and got out, talked more about the features, asked about warranties and then the dreaded question came. "So Greg, what were you planning to spend?" Argh... Wife's head snaps. More questions about down payment, etc. Greg politely reminds the tour guide that we are not buying today, we need to talk about, look at some other vehicles..... Wife exits the conversation and starts walking back to dealership......
Our tour guide walked ahead and said, "Here, come through this way, we will get in where it is cool faster." That is a ploy if I have ever hear one. We walked inside and he says, "What is it going to take to get you guys to work with us?" At this point, it is around lunch time and the last thing I want to do is think about spending a lot of money when I am hungry. I have really stopped saying much of anything, because I assume if one of us talks it will be better then both of us. Our tour guide asks us if he can get a little information, which we give and then he says he will be right back. I immediately think, "Great, I know where this is going." Sure enough a couple of minutes later, our tour guide, turned full fledged salesmen comes back with his SALES MANAGER. This is where I start to get hot. But, in the end I am glad that we at least heard him out since we got to hear some prices. The sales manager gives us a price, we chat about interest rates, etc and he says, "Wait, I will be right back." Sales Manager walks away and we are left with our salesman. I start thumbing through the brochure, trying to make light conversation about Greg adding ground affects and the salesman excuses himself. I turn to Greg and say, "They are not listening to a word we have said." Greg, of course agrees and is looking a little annoyed himself when the salesman and manager return. They give us another price, which we both had to admit was nice. We are still not buying today. The manager asks a few more questions and then asks us, "Why not buy today?" Between Greg and I, he is always much more clam about things then I am. Greg handels things very calmly too. He is always level headed and never talks with his hands, like I sometimes do. However, at this point he leans back in his chair and crossing both arms back and forth he says, "We are not buying today. We are still looking and we need to go home and talk it over." Case closed. I was very proud of him. They told us they could offer that deal to us until the end of the month and we asked that they write it down, you know so the wife does not forget. We thanked them and then almost ran out of there.
I have now been in three different car buying situations. The first car I bought, I took my dad with me, the second was alone and now the thrid with Greg. The first two were probably one of the better situations you could have because I bought from someone I knew. But, with Greg we are walking into a situation where we are just a number. We have both learned enough from previous situations to be able to handle ourselves though. The way we look at it, this is our money and we will not be talked into spending it unwisely.
I always appreciate some help, but never intrusion. It seems that boundaries can get so muddled sometimes and both parties become confused and irritated. It is just something that you learn over time, which is making your boundaries clear. That is sometimes difficult to do. So, Greg and I hopefully kept a clear line of where our boundaries were and when we walk back into that dealership and decide to buy a truck, hopefully they will realize it was not their smooth tactics that talked us into it, but a team effort and agreement on our part.
Almost daily is seems that I am learning more about handling my boundaries and trying to respect others. This weekend I learned more then I do in a typical day.
Friday evening I went out with some of my girlfriends and we had a wonderful time. The one thing I find very comforting about going out with a group of girls is that in a group like ours, girls are pretty intimidating and it is not often that you are approached by any guys. Especially where we were. There were three straight guys at the bar we went to Friday night. One was with his wife, one was out without his wife and the third I am not sure what his deal was. Well, the guy who was out, without his wife latched on to our group before we could realize it. We were sure he had the hots for one of our girlfriends because he made sure to keep her company while we were on stage singing or off getting drinks. She was a good sport about, but she got a little creeped out because he kept standing real close to her and just looking at her even when they were not talking. Weird.... very weird.
But yesterday really got me. Greg is interested in getting a truck so we went to a dealership to look at them. We left all checkbooks and important documentation at home because all we wanted to do was look, just look.
We drove my car since it is not the one we want to replace. When we pulled into the parking lot we were first happy to see that we were not being pounced on. Well, that was because they get you when you walk in the door. As soon as you walk in, you are greeted and assigned a "tour guide" as I called him. Our "tour guide" seemed nice enough, but right off he wanted information. This immediately made me think we were already being looked at as a quota for the month. I was not impressed, but I was thinking that could be good leverage later. So, our tour guide showed some trucks to us and from the very beginning we said, "We are not buying today. JUST looking." That translated to the tour guide as "Blah, blah, blah, blah....." So, we looked at more trucks and even took the one Greg wants for a test drive. We were obviously going into this together, but we have learned from some of our friends that car salesmen will play the two of against each other. So, I was playing that dutiful wife, there to see the car first hand and not to negotiate with him or influence his decision. The tour guide suggested that I drive the truck as well and I asked Greg if he would like for me to. Which of course he said yes. I immediately knew what this meant. See, ladies like shiny, new things and if I drove the truck and was just dazzled, then it was sold. So, I drove it, said it was nice and went right back to the lot. No giggles, no squealing. Truck not sold. We parked and got out, talked more about the features, asked about warranties and then the dreaded question came. "So Greg, what were you planning to spend?" Argh... Wife's head snaps. More questions about down payment, etc. Greg politely reminds the tour guide that we are not buying today, we need to talk about, look at some other vehicles..... Wife exits the conversation and starts walking back to dealership......
Our tour guide walked ahead and said, "Here, come through this way, we will get in where it is cool faster." That is a ploy if I have ever hear one. We walked inside and he says, "What is it going to take to get you guys to work with us?" At this point, it is around lunch time and the last thing I want to do is think about spending a lot of money when I am hungry. I have really stopped saying much of anything, because I assume if one of us talks it will be better then both of us. Our tour guide asks us if he can get a little information, which we give and then he says he will be right back. I immediately think, "Great, I know where this is going." Sure enough a couple of minutes later, our tour guide, turned full fledged salesmen comes back with his SALES MANAGER. This is where I start to get hot. But, in the end I am glad that we at least heard him out since we got to hear some prices. The sales manager gives us a price, we chat about interest rates, etc and he says, "Wait, I will be right back." Sales Manager walks away and we are left with our salesman. I start thumbing through the brochure, trying to make light conversation about Greg adding ground affects and the salesman excuses himself. I turn to Greg and say, "They are not listening to a word we have said." Greg, of course agrees and is looking a little annoyed himself when the salesman and manager return. They give us another price, which we both had to admit was nice. We are still not buying today. The manager asks a few more questions and then asks us, "Why not buy today?" Between Greg and I, he is always much more clam about things then I am. Greg handels things very calmly too. He is always level headed and never talks with his hands, like I sometimes do. However, at this point he leans back in his chair and crossing both arms back and forth he says, "We are not buying today. We are still looking and we need to go home and talk it over." Case closed. I was very proud of him. They told us they could offer that deal to us until the end of the month and we asked that they write it down, you know so the wife does not forget. We thanked them and then almost ran out of there.
I have now been in three different car buying situations. The first car I bought, I took my dad with me, the second was alone and now the thrid with Greg. The first two were probably one of the better situations you could have because I bought from someone I knew. But, with Greg we are walking into a situation where we are just a number. We have both learned enough from previous situations to be able to handle ourselves though. The way we look at it, this is our money and we will not be talked into spending it unwisely.
I always appreciate some help, but never intrusion. It seems that boundaries can get so muddled sometimes and both parties become confused and irritated. It is just something that you learn over time, which is making your boundaries clear. That is sometimes difficult to do. So, Greg and I hopefully kept a clear line of where our boundaries were and when we walk back into that dealership and decide to buy a truck, hopefully they will realize it was not their smooth tactics that talked us into it, but a team effort and agreement on our part.
posted by Natrc at
8:16 AM
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